Five. It is hard to fathom that it has been five months since I kissed his sweet face, heard a giggle, a sigh or a cry. 150 days since I have smelled his skin, held him close and looked into his beautiful blue eyes.  There are times that like a sneeze, grief will overwhelm me and I find myself bursting into tears. Other times that I don't even notice my saddness until a tear drop quietly trickles down my cheek. I never thought I would laugh or be genuinely happy again, as if those emotion were stomped out of me.

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Tucker will always be my firework, my reason to move on and keep looking up. His spirit crackles and burns in my heart and soul. Every day he sets my feet on a path, the road is rocky and not with out scrapes and bruises but I am going in the right direction and that is all that matters.

Last year the we spent the 4th of July in Doernbecher. Tucker felt well enough to go out of his room to the skybridge that leads to the VA hospital and watch the fireworks from there. The whole Portland Metro sparkled as we could see bursts of color and light fill the horizon for as far as the eye could see. Like candy coated popcorn filling the dark night.