8 months.....

It has been 8 long months so far of treatment with many more to go.  The finish line is so far out and while what quite possibly is the worst of it is behind us the end is still 19 months out.  I have been struggling lately as I watch and hear about others who have started their childrens treatment after us and are finishing it long before we will.  It is a sickening mix of emotions as I am thrilled for their victory but in all honesty envious that they are reaching the finish line so much sooner than us. 


I shall not fear....

It was the middle of the night on our first night when a doctor came into our hospital room, she said that they were still running test but that they believed it was leukemia.  I stared at her dumfounded, letting her words bounce off me. Thinking to myself that they could be wrong but also in a way greatful that they were determined to come up with answers.  I denied myself the opportunity to feel anything. I didn't want to be afraid. I didn't want to be sad.  I didn't want to be anything......just waiting.

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